The Hopeful Emo Kid

Poetry: my ‘new’ writing love

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I have always been into poetry for as long as I can remember it has always just Vibe with me. Moved me in ways that I guess is supposed too. But as a kid, young adult and hell, even as an adult feels like magic,

Edgar Allan Poe,

Robert Frost,

Harry Longfellow,

William Shakespeare,

Emily Dickens.

I’ve read all of the classics and all at a young age. I ate it all up, broke them down and try to dissect them as much as I could.

I used to Print out my favorite poems and tape them all over my bedroom wall.

Throw a dart at a classic famous poem/poet and it definitely had a place on my wall.

I carried poetry books with me everywhere I went (okay I still do that.)

I lived and breathe poetry.

But I never really wrote it. Sure, I would dapple in it, I wrote poetry in the sense that people kept journals or diaries.

When I was upset I would write down how I was feeling in a metaphorical way so it was easier to process.

But that’s all it was. I didn’t pay attention to structure, words or how they flowed. And I sure as hell didn’t show it to anyone.

It was just something to get the feelings out of my heart and off of my chest. And then to be locked away never to be seen again.

Over time I shifted my focus. As much as I love poetry. I was trying to write and publish novels. So I was reading books and spending free time reading up on writing novels.

And yet I still always carried a poetry book everywhere I went. I would pull out my old copy of ‘compilations of Robert Frost’ or ‘sonnets of William Shakespeare’ when I had to wait in waiting rooms Or wait around for people to show up.

It was such a calming thing. I would flip through the worn out pages and smelled the mildew basement old book smell.

Even if I didn’t read a single word. Just feeling the texture of the old pages and seeing the patterns of the poems was enough.

But over the last couple of years, I had switched jobs and the dread of that change was setting in. That I wasn’t cut out for it. That I was doomed to be stuck at another job that I despised with every cell in my body.

On top of that a lot of other parts of my life was bringing up complicated feelings and new insecurities that I never had before.

And I already have issues with my feelings so new ones that I didn’t really know how to handle it was getting to the point of affecting how I lived.

I felt the weight of all of it on my shoulder.

And that’s when I Started back up in writing my feels as poems again.

Writing my feelings,

worries,

doubts

anything and everything down.

I paid more attention to the details and how I wrote it. It was actually pretty good.

I started sharing my work. Showing and refining it, putting just as much work and attention to it as I do with novels.

For most of the year that’s all I have been writing.

Don’t get me wrong. I still LOVE writing novels and stories. It’s so much apart of who I am that not writing stories would be like deciding one day to stop eating forever.

But I feel comfortable with stories. I know what I’m doing. I feel so sure with it. Which isn’t a bad thing not at all.

But with writing poems. I’m get to explore new parts of my soul.

who I am as a person. I can feel my walls expanding as I grow as a person because of it. Exploring the ever growing being that is me.

It’s learning a new skill and there’s always something so thrilling about not knowing what the hell you’re doing.

And I get to fall in love with writing all over again.

As for where I’m going with my new love for writing poem, that’s yet to be determined. For now I’m just having fun exploring this new love for writing.

With this new chapter in my writing

So here’s just a small little poem I wrote, and hopefully you enjoy.

Until next time!

blogger tag: writing habits

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Hello everyone! So today I’m bring you a uber cool thing. I loved doing writer/blogger tags so much that I made one myself! making a tag was one of the first things that I thought about doing when I first started this blog so I’m excited to actually post one.

So as you can see, with this tag I’m going to confess all of my weird writing habits and then I’m going to tag people to also confess theirs. it’s going to be great!

Where do you go write and what does it look like?

I have a couple of places that I like to go.

During the day, I write in my living room, I have a dog that’s older so going up the stairs to my room is a little hard for him and he gets lonely if he’s downstairs by himself.

My living room has big windows that lets in a lot of light and has a fire place which is great for setting the mood. (plus I like fire maybe a little too much.)

During the nighttime, I write in my bedroom. Sometimes at my desk but mostly sitting in my bed. I like having low light while writing during the nighttime so my room is lit either by the Christmas lights I have up, candle light or a small desk limp if I feel like I need more light -yes I know it’s bad for my eyes, I still do it. –

And if I’m feeling writer’s block hit I’ll walk down to a coffee shop or the library that’s not too far from my house and write there.

Snacks or drinks?

There’s no one snack or drink that I have. I love coffee a lot…maybe more then what’s healthy. but I only really drink that during the day.

Tea or soda is what I drink during the nighttime and I usually have water to go alone with everything.

As far as snack food, that depends on what I’m feeling at the time. A lot of times it’s chips or popcorn. Lately it’s been candy.

Although honestly, a lot of the time I go through long periods of time when I’m writing where I forget to eat or drink for a couple of hours…okay more like 10 but who’s counting?

Do you like to write with noise or in total silence?

I’m super weird about this. I’m warning you now lovable kids.

So, I need a LOT of noise. I listen to music, or YouTube videos or have a TV show on. sometimes all of three of these things going at once.

when I watch to YouTube videos it’s either people reading creepypastas or video game related things.

TV shows is stuff that I’ve seen a billion times like House or Law and order: SVU. or some sort of adult cartoon show.

As far as music goes, I have a playlist that I make for whatever project I’m working on and I only listen to that or I’ll listen to a song on repeat for hours -okay real talk, some times days at a time.- if it fits the scene I’m writing. or if I feel like being an emo kid.

Paper or computer?

this is also another question that’s very mood based.

for blogging and outlining I like writing on paper, I always get my best ideas when I’m writing in a notebook.

Novels I do every thing on the computer unless it’s a hard scene or I feel writer block-ie then I switch to paper because it helps me to think feeling the words drag out with every loop and line. dorky I know.

and I always keep a notebook by my bed because I like to write before going to sleep.

so both I guess is the short of it.

what do you do before you start to write?

lots of things. I try to make sure that I get things done like dishes or other cleaning, it doesn’t always happen though.

and I also like to pace around for a second before siting forever.

sometimes I even Meditate to calm my soul.

I also read my outline notes or even the last chapter or so to help get me back into the world if it’s been a little while.

What time of day do you like to write?

a 10,000% nighttime. I am so much a night owl that I might as well hoot instead of sneeze.

I’m not a morning person at all. There’s too much stuff going on during the day for me to be able to focus only on writing.

although I do my best writing at like 1am-6am so I guess technically that’s in the morning but I usually hadn’t slept before hand then so that’s still night time in my book!

Plus, there something about crawling into bed after staying up all night to write that I adore for no reason at all.

what distracts you from writing?

There’s a lot of things…a lot.

I play video games. hearthstone is something that is very much so apart of my writing routine. it’s turn base and you don’t really have to pay much attention to it when it’s not your turn so I just wait for the dink telling me that it’s my turn. take my turn and go back to writing and start the cycle anew. Although sometimes I get so into the game that I forgot to tab out.

another thing I do is I watch my best friends stream (and they have a YouTube channel that also likes to distract me.) and while I do write a bit when I’m watching them, I also end up talking in the chat only to look down and realize that four hours passed without a single word written at all. it’s so bad but good.

there’s a discord channel that I adore that also distracts me from writing…even though it’s filled with writers who also should be writing.

oh, also twitter is very bad for me to have open during writing time.

anything to help set the mood?

candles, music, fireplace, doggo and tea/coffee can’t get much better than that. I’m a simple person really.

are you a plotter or pantser?

I am very much so both. I’m a plottser!

I plan big plot stuff, or in the case of blogs the idea of it, and the points of the post. I think about the big details but after that I pants the crap out of the rest.

so I’m about 50/50 when it comes to it.

Any other weird habits?

I tap stuff when I’m thinking. I’m SUPER restless so sitting still even with typing on a keyboard just isn’t going to fly at all. so I tap my hands, feet. I bounce in my seat. I sing along to music, spin a pen, I know it sounds so ADD but I just have to distract myself as much as possible before I can write anything down.

I also make lots of funny faces when I write, I don’t know why, it just happens. which is awkward when I write outside of my house or live streaming but whatever.

I also talk to myself, I narrate everything I’m doing or cheer myself on.

There you have it lovable kiddos. My weird habits and odd ball things I do while writing. I hope you enjoyed hearing about how I made words happen.

And since this is a tag I’m going to go ahead and tag Brie, Camille, Nicohle who are all my writing buddies and I’m also going to tag my sister Desi who’s a super cool web designer and blogger.

all of these people are super cool so make sure to clink on their names and check out their stuff.

I’m also tagging everyone who’s read this. so make sure to link yours answers in the comment/ twitter/facebook/whatnot.

Until next time!

WIP: author tag!

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Hello lovable kiddos! So today I’m bring you a writer tag. I was tag by Brie so make sure to click her name to check out her videos, also check out all of the people she tagged too.  They’re cool cats.

So on that note. We’ll get on with the WIP (work in progress.) tag!

1) What is your working title?

My working title is ‘the human endeavor.’  Some of the main themes in the human endeavor is the meaning of life and the human experience.

Every single character struggles with some sort of big internal battle. Isabel with trying not to make connects with the other characters And trying to control her feelings. And yet wanting to be with the people she love.

Otto with trying to find meaning after the death of his little sister. In the mist of his loneliness and depression.

Andy trying to protect his little brother and his friends. and so on.

even my villain Marco, with trying to make something of himself, and trying to break away from his poor living state.

Every character are just trying to live their lives and get more out of their (screwed up.) life. And find their own way through our world.

2) where did the idea come from?

In part of my weird obsession with feelings and mental health. I’ve always been fascination with what leads to mental issues like depression, anxiety disorders and even emotional detachment disorder, all of which play a big part in the story.

And in part after I read an article that I read a long time ago about how homeless Kids were breaking into abandoned buildings and making little communities And I just thought that would be a good image to try and caught.

3) what Genre would your book fall into?

Well, if we are going with something that would be easy to market, so probably what a publishing house would pick is young adult, but if you asked me I would say it’s waaaay closer to new adult.

The characters are more close to the YA age range but the themes and the work is much darker then for YA. But then again looking for Alaska by John Green has a character giving another character tips on how to give blow jobs. and that seems to be able to pass for YA so who knows.

4) what actors would you choose to play in your movie rendition?

Honestly I would want the cast to be unknown for the most part. Only because my cast of characters are so diverse, and the story is so emotional at times that I think it would be super cool to have a cast of unknown actors to show off their skills.

But because this is a super fun Idea, here’s a list for you anyway! I have a lot of characters so bear with me.

Isabel: Sofia Carson.

Otto: Lucas Till

Joe:  Jack T. Austin

Andy: Prince Royce

Marco: Mark Indelicato

Old Man Dan: Gray Oldman

Lora: Winona Riders

Mark: Harry shum JR.

Jane: Emma Stone

Alex: Tyler James William

Kyle: Grayson Russell

Kenzi: Danielle Campbell

5) what is the one sentence synopsis for your WIP?

Oh jeez, I’m sooooo bad at synopses! haha um,

Isabel tries to live life totally numb to the world; even if that means breaking friendships but she cares too much and has to try to learn to deal with having emotions.

So I like to state that I don’t like the whole ‘one sentence synopsis.’ Thing. And not just because I’m really bad at this.

I don’t think that stories should be boiled down to something that you would be able to tweet.

Because writers work night and day pouring blood, sweat, and many…MANY tears into a WIP, for it only to be boiled down to 35 words?

Like I get the point of them. I really do, but I feel like us writers work way too hard for our novels, coming up with complex stories only to have it summed up in such a small package.

6) Will you self-publish or be represented by an agency?

Well, I’ve thought about this a lot. (as I’m sure that most of us writers has.) and what I’ve come to is some sort of middle ground.

I’m going to try and get represented but while I’m trying to get into an agency, I plan on learning all I can able self-publishing. (like marketing and such.) and when I feel like I have a good grip on the good way to self-publish -which honestly could take years.-  if I don’t have an agent by then then I’ll just self-publish. Just to get myself out there.

7) how long did it take you to write your first draft?

Okay, confession time. At the time of writing this blog post. I’m currently still writing it. Oops. But I’m super close to finishing (only a little over 3K left.)

As for how long I’ve been writing it, that’s a complicated.

As far as days, it’s been a little over 2 years. But last year I had a HORRIBLE job. I worked long hours, was treated like crap, it was both physically and mentally demanding. so I didn’t have the energy to do anything more then to star at the ceiling. And even then sometimes that used too much energy.

I was so depressed and miserable (that I didn’t even realize that I was until months after I left.) I couldn’t write, everything came out as dull and flat as I felt some days which only frustrated more then I was already.

So because of that job, I really only count about a year, maybe closer to a year and a half of actual writing time.

8) what other books would you compare this story too?

Oh jeez that’s a really hard question!

The closes book that I can think is mosquitoland by David Arnold.

His characters are smart, witty, and have true depth to them. something that I feel that mine share with his.

both his and my narrators are young teenage girls trying to find themselves as they struggle with their mental health and who they are as people.

But honestly, that’s still not a super good competence. Like most of the characters in mosquitoland have a good grip on who they are and who they want to be. And Mim the MC more then anyone else.

Where my characters are filled with anxieties and self-doubt. and my MC, Isabel gets less and less sure of who she wants to be the farther into the story you get in.

But as far as the humor and narrative I would say that it’s pretty close.

As far as my writing style, a lot people that have read my stuff has said that I have a john Green feel with the deep-thinking- metaphorical writing. And Rainbow Rowell vibe with the quirky, sarcastic witty characters.

but both authors are SO talented that even my ego wouldn’t let me claim that. And I have a huge ego.

9) who or what inspired you to write this book?

after reading about homeless people, how they are treated -spoiler alert, it’s badly.- and how a lot of times, homeless youths fall into gangs, running drugs and being the scapegoats for them.

As someone who grow up with very little, it’s a bit hard to swallow that this is something that could have easy happened. How easily it does happen for a lot of young people.

It’s a bit of a sober thought, that lead me to write the human endeavor.

10) what else about your book that might pique readers interest?

my writing style stands out on it’s own. -I’m allowed to be a little full of myself. ? –

And since my setting is in a real-world place, (New York city for those of you that don’t know.) so since I don’t need to do much world building I spend a lot of time developing my characters and story, making it feel as real as I can. I wanted to make a story where people can relate too.

All my characters struggle with real problem that I feel like most people feel.

Feeling like they aren’t good enough.

Being scared of trying to step up and turn their friendship into something more,

Dealing with grieve over a love one,

Depression,

And What it means to be happy are just a few to name.

Plus, one of my co-plots and catalyst to the story is a war between a street gang and a gang of homeless kids which is as badass as it sounds ?

So there you have it lovable kiddos, my WIP. So now the fun part, tagging people. I tag Nicohle, so make sure to check out her blog by clicking her name!

So that being said, anyone else that wants to do this is more then welcome too! It’s quiet fun to think about these questions and come up with answers.

Just don’t forget to share you WIP tag answers with me Via comments/twitter/facebook/whatever.

Until next time!

birthday blog update!

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So this is just going to be a small blog update because today is my 26th birthday!! And I just thought that I would share some thoughts that I have and hopes for the future.

I always have kind of mixed feelings about my birthday. I always get together with my family and friends. Which is great, any excuses that I have together with them I will take in a heartbeat.

But then I’m reminded that time is moving forward. even though I still feel like I’m in my early 20’s that I’m fastly approaching 30. and not that I think that I’m 30 is old but Birthdays just make me think that I should be farther ahead in life then I am. Sometimes I feel like I’m standing still.

I should have a house.

I should have a good paying job.

I should be less childish, I should be this, I should be that. Down the rabbit hole I go.

I shouldn’t watch cartoons, anime or play video games all day.

I shouldn’t spend my time writing silly things. I should give up on that hopeless dream.

Every year I do this. Even since I turned 18. I think down the lines of should be’s, shouldn’t, and what ifs. And honestly, I don’t even want half of the things that I think that I should have as an adult.

But every year I also come to the same conclusion.

Sure, I rent an house.

Sure, I work a bottom end retail job.

Sure, I maybe kind of childish.

But I have a good life, I have a great family who I would be lost without and I have 4 nephews and a niece that I adore and love with every cell in my body.

And friends that make me laugh so hard that I can’t breathe. Even when I don’t feel like laughing at all.

I do things I enjoy no matter what people think of my hobbies and I take no shit from anyone.

All of these things make up who I am. I wouldn’t be the same without one of these things.

To have the things that I think that I need as a normal adult, I would have to give up the stuff that I do have and love. which just isn’t going to fly with me.

so, what started out as a panic mode of  ‘oh god, I’m adult now, what the hell do I do now?’

has turned into a moment of reflecting on the things I am thankful to have.

Reminding myself that I don’t want a boring ‘normal.’ Adult life. And that I really love my odd and crazy roller coaster that I call a life.

And to think about the things I do want for my future. Which will still include video games and cartoons 😉

before I go, I like to thank everyone who took the time to read my rambling thoughts and sticking with me this long! I love and appreciate all of you *heart*

Until next time!

self-doubt and anxiety: a writer’s burden.

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so, to go along with my last blog, and this weird ‘let’s talk about feelings and stuff.’ Thing I got going on. -for real don’t know where this is coming from. –

I thought that today we would talk about something that most people writers and non-writers a like feel at one point or another in their lives…or to be more realistic, all. Of. the. time. Self-doubt and anxiety.

These makes you feel alone, it makes you doubt not only what you can do but yourself as a person.

If this has happened to you, I hope that if you take anything out of this blog is that you are not alone. On that note I hope you enjoy.

 

Every writer has voices in their head. It’s how we’re able to write, It’s how we make the magic happen. however sometimes the voices tell you things, these kinds of voices whispers into your ear until they over take your thoughts and soon it’s the only voice in your head.

it speaks louder. Until it’s screaming at you. Things like ‘this sucks.’

‘no one is going to want to read this.’

Soon it even turns on you. ‘who would want to read what you wrote?’

‘this is worthless, you’re worthless.’

This goes on. until you are unable to see yourself in any other light. you start to feel like maybe, this is true.

It builds in your head, a deafening ringing that causes chaos in the deep workings of your mind, making your head feel two sizes smaller but your brain ten times bigger.

A building pressure that spreads to your throat making it hard to breath. Taking a deep breathe seems so out of the realm possibly. something that was once so easy, something that people around you do like it’s nothing, is something that you begin to struggle with. you struggle with basic human needs.

Soon the choking feeling turns into ropes that knot your stomach. Even without the choking feeling, the ropes and knots make it impossible to eat. And standing only makes it worst. The only thing it seems help is curl up into a small ball, to reflect how you feel.

The pressure pulls down onto your shoulders, weighting down on you, like if you were on the bottom of the sea. The weight wears on your body. Your knees, hips, shoulders, every nook and cranny. It pushes you down and makes you feel ten inches shorter.

When you’re busy with school, work, hobbies, family time or whatever. The voices are still, under the busyness of work, it’s the farthest from your mind as you study for that big exam. It’s quiet and calm as the smiles and laughter of friends and family drown it out.

But the moment you stop, the moment you try to sit and pour your blood, sweat and tears onto paper. The voices scream and ring at you as you try to break a piece of your soul to share with the world.

And the worst part is that because of those voices you are unable to talk about the dark sea that you are swimming through. You watch as the world around you. The people that you know and love look like they are floating on clouds, while you have rocks tried to your feet.

Soon, you start to avoid everything that is causing you to stress and panic, and writing has fallen over to the way side.

Before you wouldn’t think about going even an hour without writing. But under the lock of this paralyzing force, you go hours, days. Hell, maybe even weeks without picking up a pen. Or tapping words out.

But that doesn’t stop the voices, it only helps quiets them for a moment. But it doesn’t last long.

At night you are left with only the voices. You toss and turn, unable to sleep but you don’t have the energy to do anything but lay there.

So, there are you, lying in bed as the events of the day plays back in your mind. All the things you would have said or done differently,

It plays all the things you may or may not have fucked up. Things that shouldn’t matter, suddenly feel like 1000 bricks on your back. grinding you down to nothing.

Nothing seems to help, you no longer have a voice in your head, only these new ones are there. that break you down. Nothing seems to be able to stop it. you fester on everything with no hope of ending the feelings or sleeping.

you don’t know when it started but you soon go on auto pilot, going through the day feeling nothing at all but the black cloud over you.

Fake smiles and laughs are getting you through your day time life. night time is spent in solitude, with no motivation other than staring at the wall. Eating is throw at of the window, and you can’t even think about writing.

This takes days, months. Years maybe it’s something that’s been with for most of your live.

The scary thing is You don’t see yourself get to this point. one day you’re fine and then the next you’re fighting with yourself to get out of bed.

Writers live in a world of feelings and what ifs but in this kind of state, your trapped in a purgatory of feeling too much and not enough at the same time. A contend war raging inside of your chest. and you drown in the things that could happen and things that would never happen in a billion years.

It’s hard to break away from this, it’s something that will follow you for the rest of your life, you go through spells where you can break away from the dark. Getting to a point where you can write and live without worrying. With the sun shining against your skin, a sensation you aren’t used to feeling, like you’re normal for once.

But then, after a while, the storm clouds come back. Looming over you, bringing the darkness with it.

How do you fight it? How does one break away from the clouds and get to the sun when the world is so dark? Well, that’s different for everyone. Different reasons to walk through the dark to get to the sun. but something that helps? Writing. Bearing everything to the world.

Something that was part of the problem, being part of what saves you? Crazy talk I know.

but writing is a part of you, it’s in your DNA, it’s build inside every cell of your being. At some point it made you happy, even if it isn’t at the moment.

Writing, hell, anything that you like that might bring you happiness. All of those things are like a flashlight when the sun goes down. Sometimes the batteries are low and flicker. But other times they shine bright, splitting the darkness in two.

Doing the things you love. Being with the people you love. These are somethings to help, but if you really can’t pull out of the dark then it’s best to talk to a doctor. Or reach out to someone.

Because no one should spend their days, feeling the way that you do when you’re trapped in self-doubt, depression and anxiety. And you are so much better than the way these things make you feel.

Well there you have it lovable kiddos. That’s enough feeling sharing for one day.

Until next time!

why I started a blog.

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So this week is going to be a little different. I’ve spent the last week and a half writing blog posts about different things. I wrote like three different blogs. Or rather I tried, but I ended up getting what I had outlined on the page but not being able to write much more that.

And while I’m a big support of the ‘write until you write yourself out of the block.’ I’m also a big believer in the ‘if you aren’t feeling it, then move on.’ too.

So, in the midst of all of that, I thought. hey why not tell everyone why I wanted to start a blog and just talk about all of that.

So because of what we are talking about. This isn’t going to be formatted the way my other blogs are. it’s not going to be a list kind of style that my blogs take form in.

This is just an honest and open confession of my soul, which not going to lie, isn’t going to be all that easy for me but what the hell. life begins at the end of one’s comfort zone, right? so on that note let’s get started.

So, I guess to start, I should start at the beginning of it all.

I’ve been making up stories for longer than I can remember, it’s been a part of me, and who I am as a person.

writing is my way of dealing with things that stress me out, makes me sad, angry and anything else in between. Writing helped me face not only my fears but thoughts and feelings that I didn’t know I was having until I put them onto paper.

Writing was just like breathing for me. The feeling of my fingers gentle hitting the keyboard. The feeling of the wood of a pencil or the grip of a pen as they glide across paper so easily, all of this like taking a deep breath after holding it for far too long.

It started with a story and a notebook, and then many more after. Many that were written, many that were just planed and dreamt. but I never ran out of idea, and for the most part the passion or drive to write them.

I spent many nights that I wouldn’t sleep in made-up lands of underlining truths and darkness within. writing got me through many times where sleep was far from my reach and when my thoughts free fell and bounced off my anxieties of the day.

But the more I learned about writing, the more I tried to refine it and started taking it more serious, it wasn’t just a coping thing, it always had been a passion. It was in my blood from day one. But it was starting to become what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.

So I started to write a story like many others that I wrote before it, then I edited it, and rewrote it, and repeat countless times until I had a finished a short story. And so I tried to punish it. With no luck of course. But that was okay, It was my first shot.

I went back to it. Got an idea, wrote, edited, rewrite, edit, tried to get published. Over and over again, day in and out for years. The pressure that I was starting to put on myself felt like the world was on my shoulders, and even though writing destress me before, was starting to cause its own fair share.

Writing was starting to feel like an endless sea, and I was trying to swim to land that was just out of reach.

I loved writing but, some days when the sea was too big. I would start prioritizing other things over writing, things like work, friends and Family.

But of course, writing was such a big part of what made me who I am. So I started to choose writing over sleeping when I would get into my mood of skipping. And while this had gotten better over the years, I still get into this mood occasionally and fall back into the same bad habit.

Not only but then a couple of years ago I had a job that took everything from me, mental, physical and emotionally. I fell into a dark spot, being a good mix sad and angry all of the time.

and writing was only frustrating to me because even when I tried to get words outs, I just stared at the page, unable to get anything out of me, even my own feelings.

but the sadness, anger and frustrate only added fuel to the fire and made me feel like I was sinking into the sea, falling into the dark depths of it all.

And all of that made it even harder for me to write and all of this set me back in my goals with writing. Luckily, I have gotten out of that job and I’m in a much better place in life.

But so this all bring me back to the title of this blog. Why I started to up a blog? Well it goes back to how writing was an endless sea for me. I started to feel like I was doomed to swim forever in my endeavors with trying to become a published author. In the middle of all of this I was still trying to learn all I could about writing and there was a recurring theme.

every author tuber/blogger/anything and everything I read online said one that. ‘start up a blog/vlog. Get yourself out there for everyone to see! Why would someone buy a book from someone they have never heard of nor cared anything about them?’ And after talking about it with one of my sisters, who’s a web designer and blogger she set me up with this blog!

And oh my god guys. Screw why everyone says to make a blog or vlog, make it because it’s something that you can complete in a short amount of time and after the fact you have something that you can point at and be like ‘it’s done, it’s complained and I’m really fucking proud of it.” The feeling of standing on rocks in the middle of the sea is enough reason for me to feel accomplished and better about this whole thing.

But that being said, it’s been really great to meet people because of this blog. And it’s been really rewarding to try and help other people who are struggling with the same things I was (and still am) and to make everyone who reads my blog feel less alone in their journey.

I know it may feel like you are the only one traveling down a lonely road in the dark but there’s billions of people on that long, hard road, we’re never truly alone and I know as much anyone else could, all you have to do it reach out your hand and turn on a light.

So there you have it lovable kiddos. This is why I’m blogging. Not to make money, not to get fans and follower to buy a book that I might never even put on out. Pretty much the only reason is because I wanted to feel like I’m accomplishing something and to do the one thing that I have loved to do pretty much since I started breathing.

I would love to hear about anything anyone of you would like to talk about. To high five and cheer in your success in the writing world or in life, swear out loud over your frustrates or be there during the low moments. make sure to connect with me in the comments/twitter/facebook/whatever. I’m always willing to talk.

Until next time!