So this week is going to be a little different. I’ve spent the last week and a half writing blog posts about different things. I wrote like three different blogs. Or rather I tried, but I ended up getting what I had outlined on the page but not being able to write much more that.
And while I’m a big support of the ‘write until you write yourself out of the block.’ I’m also a big believer in the ‘if you aren’t feeling it, then move on.’ too.
So, in the midst of all of that, I thought. hey why not tell everyone why I wanted to start a blog and just talk about all of that.
So because of what we are talking about. This isn’t going to be formatted the way my other blogs are. it’s not going to be a list kind of style that my blogs take form in.
This is just an honest and open confession of my soul, which not going to lie, isn’t going to be all that easy for me but what the hell. life begins at the end of one’s comfort zone, right? so on that note let’s get started.
So, I guess to start, I should start at the beginning of it all.
I’ve been making up stories for longer than I can remember, it’s been a part of me, and who I am as a person.
writing is my way of dealing with things that stress me out, makes me sad, angry and anything else in between. Writing helped me face not only my fears but thoughts and feelings that I didn’t know I was having until I put them onto paper.
Writing was just like breathing for me. The feeling of my fingers gentle hitting the keyboard. The feeling of the wood of a pencil or the grip of a pen as they glide across paper so easily, all of this like taking a deep breath after holding it for far too long.
It started with a story and a notebook, and then many more after. Many that were written, many that were just planed and dreamt. but I never ran out of idea, and for the most part the passion or drive to write them.
I spent many nights that I wouldn’t sleep in made-up lands of underlining truths and darkness within. writing got me through many times where sleep was far from my reach and when my thoughts free fell and bounced off my anxieties of the day.
But the more I learned about writing, the more I tried to refine it and started taking it more serious, it wasn’t just a coping thing, it always had been a passion. It was in my blood from day one. But it was starting to become what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.
So I started to write a story like many others that I wrote before it, then I edited it, and rewrote it, and repeat countless times until I had a finished a short story. And so I tried to punish it. With no luck of course. But that was okay, It was my first shot.
I went back to it. Got an idea, wrote, edited, rewrite, edit, tried to get published. Over and over again, day in and out for years. The pressure that I was starting to put on myself felt like the world was on my shoulders, and even though writing destress me before, was starting to cause its own fair share.
Writing was starting to feel like an endless sea, and I was trying to swim to land that was just out of reach.
I loved writing but, some days when the sea was too big. I would start prioritizing other things over writing, things like work, friends and Family.
But of course, writing was such a big part of what made me who I am. So I started to choose writing over sleeping when I would get into my mood of skipping. And while this had gotten better over the years, I still get into this mood occasionally and fall back into the same bad habit.
Not only but then a couple of years ago I had a job that took everything from me, mental, physical and emotionally. I fell into a dark spot, being a good mix sad and angry all of the time.
and writing was only frustrating to me because even when I tried to get words outs, I just stared at the page, unable to get anything out of me, even my own feelings.
but the sadness, anger and frustrate only added fuel to the fire and made me feel like I was sinking into the sea, falling into the dark depths of it all.
And all of that made it even harder for me to write and all of this set me back in my goals with writing. Luckily, I have gotten out of that job and I’m in a much better place in life.
But so this all bring me back to the title of this blog. Why I started to up a blog? Well it goes back to how writing was an endless sea for me. I started to feel like I was doomed to swim forever in my endeavors with trying to become a published author. In the middle of all of this I was still trying to learn all I could about writing and there was a recurring theme.
every author tuber/blogger/anything and everything I read online said one that. ‘start up a blog/vlog. Get yourself out there for everyone to see! Why would someone buy a book from someone they have never heard of nor cared anything about them?’ And after talking about it with one of my sisters, who’s a web designer and blogger she set me up with this blog!
And oh my god guys. Screw why everyone says to make a blog or vlog, make it because it’s something that you can complete in a short amount of time and after the fact you have something that you can point at and be like ‘it’s done, it’s complained and I’m really fucking proud of it.” The feeling of standing on rocks in the middle of the sea is enough reason for me to feel accomplished and better about this whole thing.
But that being said, it’s been really great to meet people because of this blog. And it’s been really rewarding to try and help other people who are struggling with the same things I was (and still am) and to make everyone who reads my blog feel less alone in their journey.
I know it may feel like you are the only one traveling down a lonely road in the dark but there’s billions of people on that long, hard road, we’re never truly alone and I know as much anyone else could, all you have to do it reach out your hand and turn on a light.
So there you have it lovable kiddos. This is why I’m blogging. Not to make money, not to get fans and follower to buy a book that I might never even put on out. Pretty much the only reason is because I wanted to feel like I’m accomplishing something and to do the one thing that I have loved to do pretty much since I started breathing.
I would love to hear about anything anyone of you would like to talk about. To high five and cheer in your success in the writing world or in life, swear out loud over your frustrates or be there during the low moments. make sure to connect with me in the comments/twitter/facebook/whatever. I’m always willing to talk.
Until next time!